Change of Heart...from abuse to a "Gentleman"!! Maybe? How Should a Man Treat A Woman?

I am living with my ex-boyfriend. We broke up Nov.2008, and all because he would talk extremely abusive to me. I've asked him to leave repeatedly, and although he is almost moved out, he's taking his time, and acting really nice with me lately. Buying me dinner every so often, paying for a few things here and there...but not household stuff. He's being more affectionate than ever before, too. But when I want to go see my family or a few aquaintances I have, he gets extremely mean with me. Says things like, remember those who are always there for you...because you are going to need them. Guilting me into not having a good time...or making me feel as if I shouldn't go. We used to fight about my going to see friends a lot...my family doesn't like him at all. I hardly have any friends because of him. Also, he surrounds himself around me and my 2 sons more, as if he likes to engage in family time...more than before. He is an artist. A toy designer and illustrator, graphic designer...you name it he's got it. He's getting famous all around the world: London, Japan, Australia...he does awesome work, that I admire very much. He stopped the physical abuse about 2 years ago, but the verbal and psychological abuse continued...sometimes even to this day. It's on and off with his tirades, mostly because I tell him that he is being offensive, and also, I ignore him and that gets him even more insecure about himself- he develops a baby personality and backs off. He does suffer from a clinical disorder. Seen 2 psychologists already...but hasn't been clinically diagnosed. Only reason I know he has a disorder is because one of those psych's is my Stepmother. I go through feelings of I admire him, I love him...then I really want him out of my life. We are still intimate, but don't call each other boyfriend or girlfriend anymore. Most of his friends, especially in the art field, don't know I even have children and am divorced. He is also divorced with a son. I try to stop being intimate with him, but then he does and says everything so nicely and gentlemanly for the next few days, that I regress to my old habits of giving in. I haven't asked him to stop packing, because I believe this will be good for him...he's never lived alone...but he then hurts my feelings when we have a disagreement about something,and then says that he will not want to stay in touch with someone like me after he leaves my home. He thinks I'm not a "good girl" according to his eyes...oh yeah--he doesn't pay rent, or food, or utilities...he complains almost everyday, until I call him on it...then he blames it on something else. And he's always talking about other girls he knows that don't have big ****, that show through their blouses, and dresses like a Banana Republic model. He dresses like that too. We've known each other since 1995, and been living together since 2004. Am I afraid to move on? On top of my issue in not knowing how a man should treat a woman? I don't mean spoiling, I mean respect, consideration and loyalty. I really need advice, because I don't want to mess up something that could be good for us in the long run...but then again, how can it be good, if he's behaving cruelly now? I don't care about money, as I'm paying for everything anyway...but my heart aches, because I think I'll be losing a friend soon too!